if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
