I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
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