Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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