problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
