It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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