so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
