my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
