Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Screwed.edu
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
