In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
