Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Randomize
