Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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