so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Randomize
