i just wanna soil my oats bro
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
