on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
