I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
