dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
