so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
