I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
