so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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