that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Randomize
