Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
third nipple confirmed
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
