Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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