Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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