kristin has been a bad kristin
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
