why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Randomize
