I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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