The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
