Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
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