M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
