Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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