Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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