called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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