I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Randomize
