Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
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