May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Randomize
