i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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