you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
