we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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