Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
