the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
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