turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
