happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
