In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
