with your own penis?
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
