It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
