I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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