i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
