I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
they need to just BURY HIM!
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Randomize
