Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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