its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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