She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
