I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
