I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
