I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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