She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
