He told me they were just razor bumps!
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
