Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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