How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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